Ep 19: Go into 2026 with the Goal of Being Seen On Purpose

I unpack why being seen feels terrifying, how biology and conditioning fuel that fear, and what small actions build real courage. Sharing my personal stories of masks, rejection, and how I am learning to  shift from performance to presence.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Why Being Seen Matters
• 1:10 From Class Clown To Hidden Pain
• 2:46 The Biology Of Fear And Belonging
• 4:05 Do It Afraid And Grow
• 5:06 Conditioning That Keeps Us Small
• 6:20 Rejection, Masks, And Staying Stuck
• 7:25 Fear As Doorway, Courage As Step
• 8:07 Practical Micro Steps To Be Seen
• 9:45 Catching Masks And Choosing Alignment
• 11:05 Ask Questions And Own Your Pace
• 12:06 Parts Work And Self-Compassion

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to IME. I'm your host, Liz Bachman, and today I'm talking about something that I've had to work through and a lot of people do. And I think we get to a point in our life where we have to start showing up in a way where we're seen, where we're vulnerable, where we are ourselves, especially when we start trying to do anything for ourselves, whether it's a job or a dream or a vision or whatever it is. I really, really believe that being seen truly as you are is the piece of the puzzle that's gonna get you to the next step. And I relate to this heavily because I am learning right now how to show up fully as myself, be okay with myself, no matter what version that is each day. And that's helping me become unstuck or feel less trapped. And it's definitely helping me pursue my dreams, my goals. And the really beautiful thing about being seen is it invites really amazing people into your life that say, hey, I see you and I want to be on this journey with you. And you get to see other people. Vulnerability meets vulnerability. Showing up as you is always gonna attract people into your life that you want to be in your life. And you're gonna lose people too. I grew up being the class clown. I grew up being the life of the party, the girl that made everybody left. But the thing was that I was like dying. I was dying on the inside. It hit a horrible stride of depression when I was 18 to 22. And it was because I wasn't showing up as myself. I was trying so hard to be everything to everyone else and then judging myself when I couldn't meet the bar that I was setting for myself. But part of it was because it wasn't a bar, one, that I wanted to meet because it wasn't me. And two, it was unrealistic. But I wouldn't change it because it's taken time, but it's also taught me that so many beautiful things can happen when I show up as me. And I'm still learning to do this. It's scary to be ourselves in this world. It's scary to show up as that little inner child version of yourself because we have wounds as those little inner child versions of ourselves. We're afraid of what somebody else might think or somebody else might say or how that might hurt. I realize I would much rather show up afraid than not live the life that I want to live. We have this one big, beautiful life. And I don't want people to keep me from doing the things that I want to do. I don't want fear to be the ruler of my life. And a lot of that starts with me taking away the layers and letting myself just be me. Being seen for me is really about people seeing the parts of me that I may have not like accepted yet. There's lots of parts of me that I'm still learning to accept and meet with compassion and grace and being vulnerable and letting people see the unpolished version of yourself. It is scary. And there is a reason being seen feels so unbelievably terrifying. If we take it back to like prehistoric times, we are meant to be a part of the tribe or the community. We are social creatures that are meant to be connected. We are biologically hardwired to be accepted by each other, to be a part of the group. People judging us immediately triggers that prehistoric response that we are not accepted, that we are being exiled from the group. Which, of course, that's gonna trigger our fight or flight response, right? AKA fear. I mean, really, if you break it down, it's like being judged for being yourself equals being kicked out of the group, which equals we no longer have a group to be a part of, we're in danger, something's probably going to hunt us, kill us, eat us. I mean, I know that's so dramatic, but that's evolution. That's still the triggers with the fear, the anxiety. And it's real, it's real fear that's hardwired into our DNA. So I just want to acknowledge that that it's it's not easy to be seen, but you can be seen while you're afraid to do so. It might be uncomfortable, but there's some quotes like, I don't know, life begins outside of your comfort zone or something like that. I don't know. Don't quote me on the quote that I just butchered. But it's true. Doing it afraid is where that growth is gonna happen. Getting outside of your comfort zone is where you become that next version of yourself, that higher version of yourself, that self that you're like, I know I can be that person. That's where that happens. So do it afraid. I do. Scared shitless 99% of the time. I don't seem it, do I? Fake it till you make it, baby. Fake it till you make it. The other reason why it's so scary to just be vulnerable is because of the conditioning we've had from an early age. I mean, we have been told from an early age we're too emotional, we're too loud, we're not loud enough, we're too sensitive, we're too ambitious. So we've made ourselves smaller to become what is societally acceptable. You know, your dream might not match what you were told to want as a kid. You are allowed to want more for yourself. You're allowed to dream as big as you want to dream. I do think it's really important to make a point that it's okay to keep some of your dreams and your visions private because some people are not going to get that. If you don't have to explain the dream or the vision, the steps you're taking. You can just show up and be you, and people are gonna take you or leave you. And I know that's really scary, but I promise, I promise, I promise, you're not gonna be alone. I mean, I think that's a huge fear with being seen that like nobody's gonna come. The right people will come, I promise you. You do not have to be air quotes acceptable. You can break the mold, you can go outside the box. And that really does start with just showing up as you are, even if you're afraid when you do it. And I have to talk about pain. Vulnerability can equal pain because it probably has at some point in life. I don't think there's a single person in life that has at some point or another been hurt because of their being vulnerable or they're sharing what they want, what they really care about. And somebody at that point in time couldn't hold it and they hurt them. They rejected them in some way. Maybe it was romantically or in a friendship or a really beautiful career idea or project that they really cared about. They got rejected. They shared it with someone, and that person did whatever they did. They laughed or they told them they were crazy, or how how could they think they could do that? Every single person has one of those stories. So that's scary because being seen means that somebody could reject you again in some way. It hurts more than them rejecting the mask that we wear. Because even if they reject the mask, the facade that we put on, we still feel some level of control, right? Some level of they didn't really get me because they just hurt the mask. They didn't fully hurt me. This keeps us stuck. And some of us would rather stay stuck than risk being hurt. But if you do that, you're missing out on the you that you know you know in your soul exists. The you that you're getting anxious and overwhelmed because you're going to sleep at night knowing that you could be doing more. Not that you could be, but that you're supposed to be, that you have something that's calling you, something bigger. That's life purpose right there. That person is on the other side of this fear of people seeing you. And I get it. I have my own fears, my own insecurities, the things that I'm afraid to show up because because who am I? Right? But who is anyone else? Honestly. There is not a single person that can take a step forward without being courageous. Fear is your doorway, courage is the step through it. I don't care if you think that sounds corny. I mean, it is so true. Fear is the doorway, and courage is you deciding that even though you're afraid, you're gonna step through that door. I want to talk to you about some of the things that I do to help myself because a lot of times I'm like, yes, I know I'm afraid. What the hell do I do? Right? It's really easy to be aware. It's another thing to make choices. And a lot of us don't know. How do we bridge the gap between who I want to be, who I am today, that fear, that courage, all this stuff that I'm talking about, how do we, how do we even do that? I want to share some of the things that I do that help me. And just so you know, I'm still doing this. I'm not cured of fear. There's always gonna be fear. Life is scary sometimes. The goal isn't to live a life without fear. The goal is to know what to do when that fear shows up. And I say this because I used to beat the shit out of myself for being afraid to try something, being afraid to not take it. And I'd be like, why can't you do it? You're so afraid. It's not trying to get the fear to go away. The fear is not gonna go away. You have to step before the fear goes away. It's not the other way around. The fear doesn't go away and then you take the step. You take the step and then the fear goes away. And that might take time, my friend. That might take time. Here's the thing though. I've said this before. We want to take giant steps. We're not giants, okay? Focus on microexposure. I mean, truly, I say this and then I do it too, right? Like, focus on taking a baby step. We want to take these giant freaking steps instead of taking little steps that it might be a little scary, but it won't end traumatically or in a catastrophic way, versus putting us putting ourselves in a thing that we're not yet prepared for. Our our minds are so trippy, right? They're I mean, they're they're trippy. We will take a giant step to self-sabotage ourselves because when shit hits the fan and that doesn't work, we just use that as proof that we couldn't do it. Breakbury is really be built in teaspoons, not buckets. Anything. Tell one person that you trust, your dream or your vision. Share something small that is a little scary on your story. Make a video, one video. A lot of times I talk to my clients, I'm like, make a video, but don't post it. Or make a video, but post it private instead of public. Because your brain still goes through the routine of you making the content and posting it. This one requires work. I still do this, I still have to do this. Catching yourself when the fear shows up. I know when I have a knee-jerk reaction to my fear of being seen. I know, I know when I do something really silly and goofy to, I mean, that's a mask for me. Not always. There are times when my comedy is my comedy and it's just me and it's me showing up, but there's also times when I use comedy to hide. And I know when I I know the difference. I know the difference. I also know for me, because I'm pursuing being a full-time content creator, I know when I post a video for views or likes versus posting a video that's aligned with what I want to be putting out into the world. I can choose how I show up, I cannot choose how people react. Start noticing when you're doing it because you're afraid, when you're not raising your hand to ask the question. I mean, that that is learning how to be seen. They say there's no stupid questions. There's so many people that don't ask the question because they're afraid of how people will interpret that. I do that. You know how I do that in my life? Sometimes people be talking about something and I don't understand it. But I have this thing where I wanna appear smart, like I want to appear intelligent. And I'm still working on this. I try to get when I don't understand something to ask. Be like, sorry, I don't. We all have different life experiences. We're not all gonna know everything. Catch yourself when you notice the mass showing up, when you notice that you're putting something on because you're afraid of how people are going to perceive you. I love doing parts work. I don't know if you know what that is. I'm not a therapist, but it's like an internal family systems thing. And one of the things that I've had to do is learn to not judge myself. That part of you that is fearful is protecting you. I could really bully that part of myself. Oh, don't be afraid. That's where like taking those giant steps, that's just gonna hurt that part. Whatever I'd say to myself, I'd really try to bully myself into not being afraid versus having compassion for that part of myself and recognizing that that fearful part of me is just my inner child trying to protect me. She's scared for a reason. So instead of being mean or aggressive or just get over it or whatever, instead saying, Hey, I got you. We're okay, we can do this. It's a different energy than, oh my god, would you just stand up, just do the presentation, just do the thing, post the video. I don't want to bully myself. This past year I've really tried to work on showing up and being more seen. And there is so much expansion happening in my life simply because I decided that I was tired of sitting on the sidelines and I want to be known as me, every version of me. Silly, serious, sad, honest. And it's it's amazing what doors are opening. And I promise, if I can do this, you can too. Whatever your this is, I'm not necessarily talking about content creation. I'm just saying if I can learn, show up and be me, you can learn to show up and be you. I promise. Yeah, that's all I got today. If you like this, if this helped in any way, subscribe, comment. I want to hear what's going on with you. I mean, the whole point of this is connection, right, baby? Like the whole point of this is connection. So if you like this, let me know. I want to talk to you. And I hope you have a beautiful day. I will see you all in the next one. Thank you.